literature

underwater breathing

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Literature Text

i'm dying to know you're still around, finding myself curled against door frames and sunk against glass panes wondering when i'll be able to suck enough oxygen into my lungs to feel like i'm actually breathing when you aren't with me. i long to press fingertips onto the center of your chest, lean an ear up against your heart and know that it still beats along with mine.

i suppose i never knew how hard it would be to give you up, never knew that the water would come up past my ankles, my thighs, my torso until it was just beneath my nose and i had to fight to keep my head above water. you're someone i told myself i wouldn't fall for, wouldn't let my heart wrap anchor lines around and decide to call home, but it did anyway despite my warnings.

you're just too far away and too close at the same time, too much for me to handle and too distant to know what i need to say to bring you back again. i want to pull myself out of this grasping tidal pool and ease into your strong arms, but i'm seeing uncertainty painted across your face and i'm wondering when you'll actually know what it is you want.

it's just i'm still torn between sinking down into watery blackness and surrendering to the feeling or turning heel and marching through sucking marshes. i know i'd have mud grasping at my ankles and sunlight burning my back, but i think i would rather run until i hit tree-lines and sandy beaches than stay here in this land of indecision you seem stuck in. i can hear my future calling in the far away distance, but i can't help turning regrettable eyes towards you and wondering if you'll ever be coming along with me.

you know i'd do anything for you, but i can't pull you through the locking doors closing on your own life when you're the only one with the keys. i have paths already written in the sand and birds taking off in the horizon beckoning me to go, but it's hard to go and not look back on all you've once had and lost. i'm so close to deer trails that i can feel the thrum of hooves in my chest, taste the wild berries stained against my tongue, but i know deep down with aching certainty that you will never join me.

you've always had stars to cross and dreams to pursue in water color skies; my feet have always been destined for the ground. i think i've always known we'd share a same soul with different life paths, so even though it hurts to pull anchor and keep going, i know that i'm being called further and further away toward destinations that need me. you can't join me on my quest to connect minds to compassionate morals, you can't join me sprinting down deer paths and untamed wilderness, so i'll have to let you go.

someone calls me yet, and their voice speaks in the same language of journey as my own.
I'll hold my breath, close my eyes, and pray the tide takes me in the right direction.

~Jobii
© 2012 - 2024 Jobii
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